


Heliotropism

by rebirth_flame



Series: Counterclockwise Oneshot [2]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Counterclockwise Spoiler, Insanity, M/M, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:58:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebirth_flame/pseuds/rebirth_flame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps he should have told Lelouch about it a long time ago because the way Lelouch looked when holding the box with the dried seeds and petals was like he really considered it as his anchor, and he was hopelessly keeping himself sane with it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heliotropism

**Author's Note:**

> A/n : Another one of those branches from Counterclockwise because I'm too attached to that world to think of a new one ^^ Sorry... I remember an early art of Code Geass featuring little Lelouch, Suzaku, and Nunnally in the middle of sunflowers garden. I figure the flower holds sentimental value though as far as I'm concerned, it was never explicitly stated in the anime.
> 
> I wonder if anyone understand the color reference I made in Define Blue...
> 
> Day Two : Sunflowers

"Is the prince alright, Your Majesty?"

"He will be. Thanks to you, Suzaku,"

"…what should I do with these, Sire?"

A glance to the wet, rumpled yellow petals, followed by heavy sigh.

"They'll wither soon enough. Just…" It looked like the shock of almost having his brother drowning finally caught up to him. "…just throw it away or something. We can pick fresh ones tomorrow when he gets better."

For the first time in his service for Schneizel, Suzaku disobeyed a direct order and instead dried the petals carefully and put the sad looking flowers on a bench outside the house so they could absorb as much sunlight as they needed and kept on blooming.

He couldn't let them die because they reminded him of _home_ and _light_ so bright it gave him life, and it was not until several years later that he had unknowingly associated that feeling with Lelouch.

––

It was not until several years later when Suzaku came back to Aeries Villa that he learned of the fate of those flowers.

Nunnally was five when she found the poor flowers on the bench. It was several days after Lelouch almost drowned in the lake and she was forbidden from going anywhere near Lelouch because Maggy was afraid the little princess would catch the flu from her brother. Suzaku could easily imagine an eight-year-old Lelouch being confined to bed because he had the cold, all the while looking both miserable and angry because he couldn't go out and play with Nunnally.

When Nunnally found the flowers, almost everything had wilted, save from a few flower heads that had dried quite nicelly and retained their original shape. With Maggy's help, Nunnally gathered the few petals she could and a small hand full of seeds into a small box so she could bring them to Russel, Maggy's husband, and dry them out properly. Russel owned a dryer he usually used to make herbal tea.

The box with the dried petals and seeds was from then on being safely kept inside the top drawer in Lelouch's bedroom. It became get well present from Nunnally. No wonder Lelouch treasured it so much.

Suzaku should be happy because those flowers lived on, just as he hoped, but he couldn't help the flicker of pain inside his chest whenever he saw Lelouch took the box out of its safe place before bed and just held it close almost lovingly, as if it were the only thing that anchored his soul to the earth, to bring him back to reality whenever his mind threatened to escape him. As if it were the last thing that could help him keep his sanity intact.

Suzaku came to realized it was jealousy he felt, because after several times witnessing that scene, it already took everything he had to stop himself from wrenching that box away from Lelouch and declared he was the one who had saved the sunflowers _he_ had picked himself even after Schneizel, his brother, had ordered him to dispose of them.

It was childish, he knew, to be jealous of Nunnally because of stupid flowers. Even so, every time he held himself back, the pain kept on growing, as did Lelouch's desperation when clutching the box to his chest, shaking in the darkness.

Perhaps he should have told Lelouch about it a long time ago because the way Lelouch looked when holding the box with the dried seeds and petals was like he really considered it as his anchor, and he was hopelessly keeping himself sane with it.

––

"It says here that _the sunflower is the Greek symbol of Clytie (a water nymph) who turns into a sunflower after grieving over the loss of her love (Apollo). The mythological symbolism here is that Clytie (in the form of a sunflower) is always facing the sun, faithfully looking for Apollo's chariot to return so she might be joined again with her love_ ," Nunnally quoted the book she was reading to her brother, a serene smile on her soft face. "That means it symbolizes faith and loyalty! Oh how romantic…"

"Romantic?" Lelouch answered from his lounging on the sofa, frowning somewhat heavily. "A bit scary to be honest. Rather than faith and loyalty, it sounds more like blind worship, that cult thing you see. No one should have that much devotion to anything when it wasn't clear whether the object of adoration would return that feeling."

Nunnally's face scrunched up in distaste. "What are you talking about, Brother? You're so not romantic…" she turned towards Suzaku who had been watching both siblings from his perch on the armrest of Lelouch's sofa, wearing a strange expression. "Right, Suzaku? Tell Lelouch he should learn to be more romantic. That way of thinking is weird and scary," she added helplessly.

"Poor Shirley…" C.C. intoned from the direction of the kitchen, clearly having been following Lelouch and Nunnally's debate. There was an echo of 'poor Shirley' in the kitchen. C.C. wasn't the only one who had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Oh be quiet you two!"

––

Lelouch's mind was slowly slipping into the darkness, C.C. had said.

––

It was clear for everyone in the Villa, everyone except Nunnally because she was living in the boarding house for her school. Lelouch was… _off_ , more often than before. Suzaku knew it, because the desperation he saw on Lelouch's nightly _ritual_ became all the more apparent.

There were quite a few times Suzaku couldn't stop himself and just kneel in front of him, holding the box together with Lelouch as if he was physically transferring support and protection with what remained of _their_ flowers as medium. It seemed to help Lelouch calm down easier, and he could sleep without his demons torturing him through his dreams.

Even so, Suzaku and C.C., if the way she clenched her fists so tight it left crescent marks on her palms were any indicator, realized that they were only delaying the inevitable. Their time was up. The clock was running backwards, and it would eventually bring them back to that fateful time.

Suzaku's light was being shrouded in darkness. His sun was gradually crumbling.

What would happen to the sunflowers, he wondered.

––

It was true to nature because even though the sunflower was always seeking the light of the sun, the creep of winter cold would always catch up to it, shielding the light and taking with it the life the sun had given to the flower.

In the end, sunflowers weren't supposed to live through winter, just like Suzaku couldn't bring himself to _survive_ through Lelouch's darkness. Everything he had done for Lelouch was pointless

And as the sword glistening with blood, _C.C.'s_ , came down onto his fallen form, Suzaku lamented why his faith and loyalty weren't enough to save Lelouch from his cruel fate.

He closed his eyes, feeling the crisp petals crumbled in his clenched fists. He felt skin and bones gave a way under the pressure and there was sharp pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the sword currently ripping apart bones, muscles, and organs…

It had finally come to this.

_Lelouch, I'm so–_

**Author's Note:**

> If it's confusing, it's because the story was writing itself...


End file.
